Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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