im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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