I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize