I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
