I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
