you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
