So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
