I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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