remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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