So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
