Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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