It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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