Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
