He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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