I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
