Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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