He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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