3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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