I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize