HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
