Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
