Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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