she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
