Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's even glitter on my cock...
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