Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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