Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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