Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
