last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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