is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
