I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
