good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
