She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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