Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
