The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
