i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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