I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
