I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
