god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
