I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
