It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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