Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
