im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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