1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
