I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
