Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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