at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
