A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
