Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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