Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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