I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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