She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize