i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i've created a new STD.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
