Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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