I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
