Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
