I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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