And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
what day is it and did you see me today?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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