i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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