My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
