I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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