6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
