Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
