well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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