He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
