why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
