I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
