I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
