new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize